John: [00:03:44] From my recollection, I advised her fairly early on, in all probability instantly after dental faculty. I advised her that I used to be about $450,000 in debt, totaling from undergrad and dental faculty as effectively, and that was about it. That was the primary time I advised her.
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:05] What was her response if you advised her that quantity?
John: [00:04:07] Her response, I keep in mind, was it was rather a lot simply because in comparison with hers, I felt like she had some assist from her household, which is superior. I love her mother rather a lot. So, her response was one in every of shock.
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:22] Yesterday, proper earlier than this name, they stuffed out a questionnaire, the place they included their monetary particulars. Wendy didn’t know the way a lot debt they really had, and when she noticed the quantity, let’s simply say, she was shocked.
Wendy: [00:04:36] He was filling out the questionnaire. I feel that’s once I was like, oh, yeah, so how a lot is that quantity now? And I’m anticipating it to be manner much less, as a result of we completed dental faculty 10-plus years. So then, once I heard the quantity get larger, and I used to be like, oh, no. So, I suppose recently-
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:53] Yeah. What was your feeling if you heard that quantity greater than it was, not decrease?
Wendy: [00:05:02] Trepidation. Yeah, worry. It’s like I need to cry like, oh, my God, how come it’s not getting any decrease?
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:12] Did you two speak about it if you heard that quantity?
Wendy: [00:05:17] Form of. I feel he was identical to, it’s okay, it’s positive, it’ll be positive. He was simply type of like, it’ll be okay, Wendy. Prefer it’s my drawback. I’m going to deal with it.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:30] Discover that tactic, one accomplice telling the opposite, don’t fear about it, after which layering on, it’s my drawback, which isn’t very satisfying in a relationship with two individuals. Once you hear that, how do you react to that?
Wendy: [00:05:47] It’s positively annoying.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:50] What do you imply?
Wendy: [00:05:51] I’m on the facet, saying like, I need to assist you to, like we’re a household, and he’s like, I’m this macho man, I can deal with myself.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:01] A lot of males are raised with a deep perception that we have now to deal with our household financially. And till just lately, that was very, quite common. That perception is so deep, it’s so invisible that I name it an invisible script.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:15] Are you a macho man?
John: [00:06:17] No, I don’t contemplate myself to be a macho man. I felt prefer it was one thing that I selected to undertake. It was my accountability. Even earlier than we bought married, even earlier than we bought engaged, I felt like that is my alternative, it’s my accountability, so why would I knowingly have my spouse undertake that accountability, too? As a result of she’s already paying her personal loans, and she or he’s virtually finished, proper? So, why within the hell would I need to add much more onto her plate?
